


Talk

by waitineedaname



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Questioning Sexuality, discussion of suicide attempt, idk what else to tag this as but these boys are my Life and they finally talk, kind of, they missed each other - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 16:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11695539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitineedaname/pseuds/waitineedaname
Summary: Even had thought that dropping out and cutting contact with all his friends would mean the end of his past. A fresh start.When his past comes back and punches his boyfriend in the face, he realizes he finally needs to deal with it.





	Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all have no idea how much I wish this was canon. Don't get me wrong, I love the Nipple Twist video and will rewatch it until the day I die, but that's really not where the discussion should have been.
> 
> This is set before Eva's party, since we see them there happy and reconnecting.
> 
> This is for skam month, week three, day four: missing scene

Even’s knee was bouncing, but he knew there wasn’t any hope in trying to get it to stop. With the amount of stress he’d been under for the past several weeks - the amount of stress he was sure this meeting was about to bring on - it was probably better to let his leg just do its thing when the alternative was exploding with anxiety.

When he left Bakka, he thought this might all go away. He’d get a fresh start at a new school, and they’d eventually forget him. It was better for everyone involved. They didn’t need to deal with him and his bullshit. 

(The more rational part of him said that would have never worked. That he’d known some of them since lower secondary school, and you don’t forget someone you know that well very easily.)

Either way, it didn’t happen the way he wanted it to. Everything followed him to Nissen, turning into hushed whispers behind his back, rumors spread by people who didn’t even  _ know  _ him or anyone who was involved, texts sent to his boyfriend about did you hear? That Even guy? He’s fucking crazy, didn’t you know?

He woke up every morning grateful that Isak still stuck with him, despite everything. Every now and then, when he was feeling particularly low, he expected Isak to tell him he was leaving, that he was too much to deal with. Sometimes he wished that was what would happen, because then he wouldn’t be burdening him anymore. But Isak was always there, kissing his forehead and telling him he loved him when every part of his brain told Even he didn’t and cooking him shitty ramen when he couldn’t get out of bed. Even was so incredibly glad he had him.

So every morning he woke up to find that big bruise on Isak’s face, it killed him inside. That was his fault, he knew it. He might not have been the one to throw the punch, but it was him, his actions that led to it happening. 

He couldn’t avoid it anymore.

The sound of his old friends talking brought him out of his thoughts, and he looked up to find them walking over. He’d set himself at a picnic table in the park they used to play basketball in. It was more neutral territory than someone’s house, and it was still Ramadan so inviting them out to eat wouldn’t have worked either. 

Their conversation died off when they drew closer and saw him. Mutta gave him a bit of a smile, but everyone else looked tense. Even didn’t blame them; he knew he looked just as nervous. One by one, they sat down on the bench opposite him until there was no more room and Yousef sat at the other end of his own bench, giving him as much room as he needed. 

Even looked at all of them and found every word he’d been planning to say had escaped him. He let out a shaky breath and gave them a weak smile. “Hey guys.” He finally managed to say. These guys had practically been family; it shouldn’t be this hard just to say hello. Though, perhaps given the circumstances, it was to be expected.

“Hey, Even.” Mikael was the first to speak up, giving him that crooked half smile. Even wasn’t sure the unease in his eyes was really there or Even’s subconscious was projecting it. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d done that. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it has been.” Even’s smile faltered and he looked down at the table.

“We’ve been trying to get ahold of you for almost a year, man.” Adam’s voice brought him back to attention. “When you texted us… we couldn’t really believe it.”

Even sighed and nodded. “I’m sorry about all that… It just- It felt like the right thing to do. And it wasn’t. It just made things worse. So now I guess it’s time to finally talk about- about everything that happened.” He looked up and found five pairs of concerned eyes on him, waiting expectantly. He licked his lips and tried to brace himself. “How much do you guys already know?”

“Sonja, she told us you were depressed. And-” Elias cleared his throat, like the words were getting stuck before he could say them. “-we heard you tried to kill yourself.”

Even smiled, grim and tight-lipped. “That’s half of it. I-” No use hesitating about it now. “-am bipolar. I didn’t know back then. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was in the hospital, actually. All the-” He couldn’t help but look at Mikael when he said it. “-the random shit I did, it was because I was manic. I wasn’t thinking straight, it was all impulses. And then I was depressed, and it all came crashing down, and-” He fell silent. It wasn’t easy talking about this part, but they got the picture. 

The guys were silent - all digesting this information, he assumed - and he looked down so as not to see their expressions. After a few minutes passed, Yousef reached over and squeezed his arm. “Why didn’t you tell us?” 

Even looked up and found them all looking at him with concern deep in their eyes. A lump formed in his throat. “I thought it would’ve been easier if I just left you guys alone. I didn’t want to be a burden.”

“Even,” Mutasim’s expression was earnest and kind. “We’re your friends. We would’ve been there for you. We all thought maybe we did something wrong-”

“No.” Even interrupted him firmly. “You guys didn’t do  _ anything  _ wrong. It was all the fucked up chemicals in my head, you guys didn’t do anything.”

“You say that, but-” Mikael pushed some of his hair back, and the guilt in his eyes damn near killed Even. “I’m sorry about- You know. Reacting how I did. I panicked. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have put you in that situation.” Even shook his head a little. “Everything that had been on my mind came out, and questioning my sexuality was pretty much always on my mind. Everything was confusing, and you ended up with the brunt of it.”

“Looks like you have it figured out now, though.” Mikael gestured to Even’s jacket and he remembered the pride pin he had on. “Pan, right?” His smile was slowly returning, and Even smiled back just a little.

“Yeah, that’s right. And I’ve got a boyfriend now- who, by the way, told me to tell you guys he’s really sorry for what happened at Syng.”

“He’s not the only one,” said Elias, leaning in a bit. “Tell him I’m sorry too. I didn’t even see what happened, I just saw him push Mikael over and I freaked out.”

Even heard Mikael mumble something about him being way too protective and smiled. “He doesn’t hold it against you, don’t worry. He’s been beating himself up about it for weeks, he hopes you’ll forgive him.”

“He seems like a good guy,” Adam grinned at him from across the table. “Other than pushing Mikael. I saw him sing with you, that was super cute.”

Even grinned back and nodded proudly. “He’s great. I’m really lucky to have him.”

“And you guys are happy together?” Yousef asked, and Even regretted cutting himself off from them for so long; he couldn’t ask for more supportive friends. 

“Yeah, we are. We’re actually living together now.”

“What?!” Mutta’s jaw dropped, and everyone’s faces were a mixture of surprise and delight. “How long have you been dating?”

“Since November.”

“And you’re already living together? Here I was thinking Yousef was ridiculous for talking about kids before they’re even dating.” That earned Mutta a swift kick from under the table, and Even raised his eyes. He’d have to ask about that later.

“Hey!” Elias spoke suddenly, like he just remembered something, and his eyes were bright with excitement. “Did you hear about our Youtube channel?”

“What? You finally started one? You’ve been talking about that forever!”

“Forty thousand subscribers, man.” Elias preened, and Even laughed.

“That’s great! I’m gonna have to watch it.”

“You should come on some time!” Adam suggested, and there was a chorus of agreement. “If you want to, of course.”

“I will if you'll have me!” They all grinned at him before launching into another topic.

They sat there for what must have been hours, catching up on all the lost time this past year. Surrounded by the best friends he ever had, Even almost felt like he’d never left. They only left when it was starting to get dark and the promise of Iftar at the Bakkoush’s had them all eager to leave. Even could practically still feel all their hugs as he boarded the tram home and pulled out his phone.

 

_ Heading home _

 

**_(Man of my life)_ **

_ How’d it go? _

 

_ Really well _

_ They all want to interrogate you and make sure you’re treating me right _

 

**_(Man of my life)_ **

_ Haha _

_ You told them I’m sorry for syng right??? _

 

_ It’s chill _

_ They all really like you _

 

**_(Man of my life)_ **

_ I’m proud of you _

_ For doing this _

_ ❤ _

 

_ ❤ _

 

Even locked his phone and smiled. Yeah. He was proud too.


End file.
